I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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