i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
