We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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