Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
