girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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