im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
