You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
