Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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