2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
