apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
