i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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