I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Sober January is a disaster.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
