I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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