are you still at the devil's house?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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