I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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