The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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