I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
