It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
