Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Alive.
So much puke
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
