How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
