Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
