i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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