I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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