she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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