Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
