Please, let me fuck your mom
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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