this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
