my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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