Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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