so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
