he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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