now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
