cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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