My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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