It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
