Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
