I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
