Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
