i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
