I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
