1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
