coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
