It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
