My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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