after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
