I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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