it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
