i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
