Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
