the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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