yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
