Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
