I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I need to align my fucking chakras
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
