God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
